Sex-Toy "Scandal" Sparks "Outrage": And Other Words I Like To Put In Quotes

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Lebanon Daily News: A Northern Lebanon school board member resigned from the board Tuesday in protest of a recent sex toy scandal involving three principals in the school district.

(Click here for the full article.)

Ah… Lebanon County never disappoints.

The broad strokes of this story are as follows: three principals at Northern Lebanon High School were caught passing around a sex toy as a joke.

Is this a good look for three people that are supposed to be overseeing the molding of young minds? Nope. Is this hilarious? Abso-goddamn-lutely.

Go back to your high school days for a second. If you’re a method actor, maybe rub an empty pizza box on your face to get that acne firing on all cylinders again. Now, think back to your high school principals, who at this point in your life are the physical embodiment of “The Man” and the antithesis of everything your rebellious teenage mind stands for.

Now imagine them flinging dildos at each other as a goof.

No matter what you’re initial reaction would be, I guarantee at some point it would turn to laughter. In fact, I think that this sort of activity is actually a good way to earn respect among the teenage-hellions that make up your average high school.

Now, of course, all kidding aside, this isn’t a great look. Parents send their kids to school assuming that the staff there is spending every waking moment of the school day making sure that they do what’s in the best interest of the students, not trying to figure out how to stick a dildo to the ceiling.

But the fact that this is labeled a “scandal” is ridiculous. It’s being reported like it’s Watergate!

Look at this. We have a second hand description of the sex-toy in question that appeared in the local paper:

The sex toy is described as being a pink phallus about 10 inches long and about 3 inches thick with a suction cup at its base, according to Arlo Miller, who said someone from the school district described it to him.

The person who described the object in question is this “scandal’s” Deep Throat (an apt analogy, but I’ll admit that it’s rather unfortunate in this instance).

Sure, it was a dumb decision but who hasn’t made dumb decisions? No one was in any physical danger, unless of course the sex-toy was of considerable weight. You get hit by one of those things it can deliver quite the contusion.

Everyone’s entitled to a bit of knee-jerk outrage when you first hear a news story, but it shouldn’t take too long to sift through the news stories that we’re inundated with on a daily basis and decide which ones are worth getting upset over.

This isn’t one of those. It’s simply a funny faux pas that we’ll all laugh about a few years down the road.


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