If you find yourself awake at some ungodly hour you may spot some colorful blob floating above the horizon without a care in the world. Hot air balloons are seen as relaxing and even romantic by some. I think those giant, colorful nylon sacks are terrifying. First, archaic technology freaks me out. There's a reason we progressed from a technological standpoint. We wanted to make things faster, more efficient, and less likely to be deadly. Hot air balloons are seen as a novelty, much the same way horse and buggies are. If you want to get anywhere on time, use a car. Horse and buggies are only used by anyone who isn't Amish so they can kill an afternoon and post the pictures on Instagram. Look how much fun we had in Lancaster. We held up traffic all afternoon, it was great! There's no practical reason to go for a hot air balloon ride. They're not faster than planes; they're not even faster than zeppelins for God's sake! They're only useful if you find yourself...