Why I Should Be Allowed To Ask People, "How'd You Get That Eyepatch?"

One thing most of us can probably improve upon is how often we show interest in other people. It's human nature to be a little self-centered, but it makes everyone involved feel a bit better when you show interest in others.

The problem is, society tries to keep this from happening by making it rude to ask people about certain things.

Maybe the greatest example of this is when you see someone with an eyepatch. I'm talking about legit eyepatches, not those stick on ones that anyone can buy.

When you consider that we're living in the 21st-century and most of us aren't pirates anymore; this is not an everyday occurrence.

There is absolutely a story behind why an eyepatch has become a part of that person's everyday wardrobe. It's not like one day they woke up and were inexplicably wearing an eyepatch.

Who wouldn't be interested in the story behind the eyepatch?

However, society has dictated that it's rude to ask about this. Why is that? You're giving the eyepatch wearer free-reign to hold court over that dinner party/PTA meeting/funeral so they can regale us with the tale of how they lost an eye. It also takes the weight off of everyone else who is spending their entire evening making up possible scenarios in their heads about what happened.

Maybe the key is that it's the type of question that can only be asked by someone who has a shared experience.

This is where I scratch my nails down the chalkboard à la Quint, and make my offer to be the official question-asker. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself.

...Alright, I'l do it for free because I am also curious about what happened to their wayward eyeball.

What makes me specially qualified to be the question asker?

It's because in my youth, I wore an eyepatch.

But Matt, you have both of your original eyes?

Do I?

Well, I do, but I still had to wear an eyepatch for an hour a day for several weeks at a time. It was a trying time for all parties involved. I'm not asking to be called a hero, but if you should choose to do so, I wouldn't ask you to stop.

The reason for my eyepatch was to try to strengthen the muscles in a lazy eye. This was a measure taken after I had already had a total of four eye surgeries by the time I was eight years old. I only have two eyes and I know that each eye was operated on independently, but at one point I think both at the operated on at the same time. In the fifteen plus years since I last had eye surgery, that math still doesn't make sense to me.

I can relate to the eyepatch wearer and ask them the question. I could tell them that I feel their pain. Not literally of course, but figuratively. Then I could report back to all the people that don't have the societal privilege that I have of being able to inquire about people's eyepatch situations.

I think it's a win-win-win situation.

A win for me. A win for all the other people who can't ask about the eyepatch. And a win for the person with the eyepatch, because now their story can be told.

The only thing that would be better would be if I could get them their eye back, but then they'd be less interesting.


In the comments, let me know your favorite eyepatch wearers (aside from me, obviously). I've got to go with Daryl Hannah in Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2.

Image result for daryl hannah kill bill


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