The Daredevil And Dexter Disclaimers

             I don’t think we see enough daredevilry these days. I’m amazed by those guys. If they mess up they could die, and if they succeed the big payoff is a smattering of applause. They do those stunts for literally no reason. Some guy jumps over like 19 buses on a motorcycle and for a few seconds after he lands everyone is all excited, then everyone leaves and goes about their day. That’s it. Everyone should be standing there open mouthed with their hands on their head in an “oh my God, what did I just see?" sort of way. They spend all morning dragging a bunch of buses in place and building a ramp, for the same amount of applause that you hear when someone blows out birthday candles.

A few years ago, I was watching the Discovery Channel, and I watched this guy walk across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. Once he safely arrived on the other side, the chief from the local Navajo tribe was there to reward him. For his efforts, he was rewarded with a bolo tie. He walked across the Grand Canyon on a rope the width of your thumb, and didn’t even earn a decent tie.

            It does seem that the less elaborate the stunt the more exciting. Maybe that’s why we don’t see very many extravagant bus jumping attempts (Side note: I love how buses are used as a unit of measurement in the daredevil world. I just imagine lots of discussions like, “I’m not sure if I can jump that canyon. It’s got to be 15, maybe 16, busses wide!).

Anything the Jackass guys do is more entertaining than watching some trained tight-rope-walking douche carefully make his way between two telephone poles. Those guys just say, “Hey man, wouldn’t it be funny if I stapled my sack to the inside of my thigh?” Turns out, yes it would. I watched the video of the guy skydiving from space once, but I’ve seen the Jackass movie like seven times.

            Also, I don’t see why Jackass needs a disclaimer. Maybe it’s just how my friend’s and I are wired, but not once did we see those movies and then decide that we needed to make our friend shove a toy car up his ass. On the other hand, I guess if your mission was to shove a matchbox car up your b-hole, then that seed was planted long ago and a disclaimer before a movie isn’t going to be enough to stop you either. There are other shows and movies that could probably have a few more disclaimers. Like Dexter for example. It’s a great show but no matter who you are, at some point while watching Dexter murder some human trafficker, you say to yourself, “I think I could do that.” Thankfully my next thought was, “That seems like a lot of work.” You’ve got to buy all this plastic, you need to stay up late, the list goes on. The only thing between me and committing a heinous crime is my own lethargy. Great.