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Showing posts from 2018

Conspiracies With Craig: The Story Behind My Tin-Foil Hat... It's To Protect Me From The Government, But Please Still Read This Whole Article (Guest Post)

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Editor's Note: Hey, it's Matt. Almost a year ago I was bombarded by messages from this guy who I made the mistake of being nice to named Craig. He wanted me to post this blog that he had written about UFO conspiracies. Begrudgingly, I did it thinking it would shut him up, but apparently he only has a a year-long snooze setting because I heard from him again. Again he asked me to not "censor" his work and present it in it's original condition regardless of any grammatical mistakes or typos. So, here it is... ___________________________________________ Hows it going, this is Craig. I have decided to emerge from the shadows after I wrote my exposé of the U.S. government's attempts to cover the numerous, very obvious examples of extraterrestrial life. While I was in hiding I received word from anonymous sources that people want to know why it is that I wear a tin-foil hat. Having to ask that question in the first place means that you in fact do not have

Too Many Teens Blowin' Fat Clouds, Bruh: Let's Solve The Teenage Vaping Epidemic

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The United States Surgeon General has announced that teenagers vaping has become a full on epidemic. First of all, we're using the word "epidemic" a little liberally. Polio was an epidemic. In this humble podcaster's/blogger's/amateur archaeologist's opinion, a bunch of 16-year olds cranking some Mango Juul pods does not an epidemic make. Is it a problem? Sure it is, but we as a society let it get this way because we sounded the alarm that vaping is bad for you. Do you know what makes a teenager who is looking to take any opportunity to rebel against their parents and/or authority figures want to go out and start puffing more steam than Old Faithful? Telling them that vaping is bad. This happens with everything, with booze and cigarettes being prime examples. If something is deemed bad and dangerous, it becomes cool. So let's make it uncool, by having adults tell them it's awesome. I want every parent out there to start taking up vaping. If y

Great News: The Russians Don't Know How To Build Robots

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We can all breathe a sigh of relief. The Russians, Earth's resident super-villains, can't build robots. Russia's state television tried to show off a new "hi-tech robot" that ultimately turned out to be nothing more than a guy in a robot costume that you can actually purchase online. If that sounds ridiculous enough to be the plot of a an episode of The Simpsons,   that's because it was  (a great episode by the way). If there's one way that humans as a species is going to meet their demise, it's a robot uprising. The whole thing would just be poetic, we developed the very thing that would someday destroy us. Fortunately the leaders in international robottery (I just made that word up, please credit me after all further uses) are the Japanese and Americans.  These folks aren't doing anything too crazy with robots. We Americans build robots that vacuum the floor so that our lazy asses don't have to and the Japanese are all about building

TMRF Podcast #8: Matt Solves Murders

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Matt read an article about an Australian podcast that helped solve a cold case murder and received international press, so he tries to solve three cold cases in what truly amounts to a shameless attempt at upping his subscriber count.

Tommy Lee Is The Godfather of On-Stage Roller Coasters

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I was perusing Twitter stumbled across this. When @trvisXX brings his very own rollercoaster.... #LIVEatPruCenter pic.twitter.com/GO9qBrxVcw — Prudential Center (@PruCenter) November 25, 2018 If you need help in breaking down that video, that's rapper Travis Scott with a roller coaster on-stage. Cool right? Wrong! Unless you think plagiarism is cool! I present to you the one and only Tommy Lee on HIS roller coaster.   Yup. Mr. Lee was the originator of onstage roller coasters and I'll be damned if he doesn't get credit for this. I can leave with some level of injustice but this I can;t tolerate look at this statement from Travis Scott's people: UPDATE: In a statement, a legal representative for Travis Scott said: "Tommy didn’t invent the concept of a roller coaster on stage and there’s no legal basis for his accusatory outburst." https://t.co/br2PigmTbk — Consequence of Sound (@consequence) November 29, 2018 Please tell me

Dumb Lady Who Gave Daughter Dumb Name Gets The Dumb Attention She Wanted

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A southern California mom is all upset because her 5 year-old daughter was" name shamed" by an airline employee. This would be a sad story of an adult ridiculing a child for something they didn't have any say in, but then you learn what the kid's name is... ...it's Abcde. Y'know, like the first five letters of the alphabet in order. After learning that piece of info I'm all onboard with this shaming. Not at the kid's expense, but at the mom's. I love a good bit of shaming. Apparently that's not a popular stance in the ultra-soft times we live in, but a good-dose of public shaming can be a good way to call attention to something or be an impetus for positive change. The reason this mom gave her kid such a ridiculous name was for attention. Did she want the kid to be special? Probably. However, more importantly, she wanted people to think that SHE was special or at the very least somewhat interesting. What I can't stand about peopl

Someone Needs To Say It: Jim Jones Was A Bad Dude

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I love myself a good cult story,  I've talked about that before , and so I found myself watching a documentary series on the Jonestown Massacre. I've read and watched a lot of material on Jonestown over the years and I've come to a formal conclusion: Jim Jones was an unsavory character. As controversial an opinion as that may be, it's the truth. Like all good cult leaders, Jim Jones started out as a creepy kid. He held elaborate funerals for roadkill. I know that this was in like the 30s, but a red flag should have been raised right then and there. Sane people don't do anything with roadkill except scoop it up with a shovel and fling it into their neighbor's yard. Still, no one said anything and that lead to ol' Jonesy starting one of the first integrated churches in Indiana, before moving to California. I've heard California referred to as "The Land Of Fruit And Nuts" so maybe Jim Jones drank the Kool-Aid with which he has become synon

Enough. With. The. Singing. Competition. TV. Shows.

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I normally don't care about what's on TV these days because I generally don't watch it. But, when I do happen to be watching something, my eyes are assaulted by commercials for whatever is the new singing competition du jour, and I've had enough of it.  I'll concede American Idol because it was new when it came out which made it exciting. That show was huge. In fact, I bet more people voted during the first season of American Idol than during the last mid-term elections. Now every network has shows where people sing competitively and they're all practically the same. But Matt, the show I like has the judges looking the other way so they can't judge a book by it's cover. This one always makes me laugh because the premise is basically this: some peoples' ugliness is so distracting that even if they're a decent singer, no one can get past that uni-brow and crooked teeth so the playing field needs to be leveled. Plus, do you really think a p

A One-Year Thank You As Heartfelt As I'm Capable Of

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Only yesterday did I realize that it's been more than one year since I started posting my semi-coherent thoughts on the internet and I've been too busy... doing... uh... alright, in all honesty, I have no excuse. I just flat out forgot when I started this blog, and turns out it was late October in the year of our Lord, 2017. But I wanted to thank all my friends, family, and even strangers who, while likely perusing the dark web for mail order brides, somehow stumbled upon this blog. If it got even a polite "well at least he's trying" chuckle or one of those laughs where you blow air out of your nose, I'm happy. Here's to many more years!  (Or at least until i get tired of blogging/podcasting.)

TMRF Episode #7: A Cornucopia of Good Times And Jocularity

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Matt discusses why Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday, how Black Friday is America's premiere day for trampling, and how "Friendsgiving" ripped him off.

TMRF Podcast #6: He Seems 'Armless

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Matt talks about voting in the upcoming election, how Oprah could conquer a small nation if she felt like it, and the actor who cut off his own arm so that he would get more acting work. Give it a listen, and be sure to click the ol' subscribe button, pally!

TMRF Podcast #5: A Craptacular Halloween Spooktacular

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It's officially Halloween SZN! Matt talks about what he loves and hates about Halloween before discussing the origins of why taking candy from strangers is a bad idea.

TMRF Podcast #4: Goats For The 'Gram

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Matt tries to figure out the phenomenon that is Goat Yoga and then puts tortoises, pandas, and dolphins in their respective places. Finally, we catch up with radio legend Cal McCallister as he takes some less than complimentary phone calls.

TMRF Podcast #3: Killer Hurricanes And Killer Contestants

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Matt talks about Hurricane Michael as it makes landfall along the Florida coast then makes a silky smooth transition into talking about his conspiracy theories regarding the Amish. To wrap up, Matt digs into the story of Rodney Alcala, The Dating Game Serial Killer.

TMRF Podcast #2: Super Zeros

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Matt discusses his disdain for the abundance of comic book movies and prepares to give his thoughts on the controversial Brett Kavanaugh situation... only to be interrupted by a rogue, conspiracy-spouting, tin-foil-hat-wearing fellow podcaster.

TMRF Podcast #1: Gettin' Gritty

In The Matt Reigle Files Podcast's maiden voyage, Matt discusses the mascot that has taken the internet by storm, the Philadelphia Flyers' Gritty, and plays a clip of radio legend Cal McCallister interviewing the equally as legendary Johnny Carson.

#TeamGritty: The Matt Reigle Files Is Officially A Pro-Gritty Blog

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I never thought I'd see the day where the Flyers would introduce a mascot.  As one of the last two teams in the league without one, I thought the idea of a costumed mascot wreaking havoc in the stands of the Wells Fargo Center would cheapen the integrity of the on-ice product. It became clear with a series of teaser videos that the Flyers were going to introduce a mascot, their first since "Slapshot" way back in 1976. Would they bring back Slapshot? Would we see the return of the old Philadelphia Phantoms mascot, Phlex. Nope. Enter: Gritty. My first reaction was this: What. The. F$*%. Is. That? After the shock had worn off, I was completely okay with the new Muppet-reject who would be leading "Let's Go Flyers" chants for the foreseeable future. A mascot's primary purpose is to entertain the kids in the crowd. If Gritty doesn't terrorize kids too badly, he'll do just that. However, after Gritty's pre-season debut in a game bet

For The First Time In My Life, Puppets Let Me Down

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Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a big #PuppetGuy.  Their incessant flailing will always make me laugh and when Kermit starts plucking away on his banjo and singing "The Rainbow Connection," forget it. I'm in shambles. In fact, I once had a friend tell me they didn't like the Muppets, and I think I would have been less upset if he said that he used puppies for batting practice instead of baseballs. (That's a bit of hyperbole, but I was still pretty upset.) I would consider myself something of a pro-puppet activist. If they had legs and could march in parades, I'd be right there right along side Burt and Ernie as a "puppet pal," a friend to the puppet community. Because of this, when I learned about The Happytime Murders, the new film from Jim Henson's (AKA Puppet Jesus's) son, Brian Henson, I was very excited. An adult-comedy-mystery-puppet movie. Sign me up! I told anyone who would listen about the movie. "Yeah, t

It's About Time Someone Calls Out The Beach For How Dangerous It Is

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Wow, I realized it's been about a month since I last posted to this blog. What's been going on lately? Mainly job hunting. And how is that going? Well, thanks for asking let me give you an update. ... So now that the job hunting update is finished, let's talk about where I am at the moment: the beach, but more specifically the world famous Jersey Shore. I used to HATE the beach. I'll admit, I'm a world class complainer. I've elevated bitching about things to an art form and I honed a lot of my skills complaining about the beach when I was a kid. Nowadays, I like burying my toes in the sand and reading a book or frolicking in the waves (it's the only place I'd ever be caught dead "frolicking"). But despite the fact the beach and I are now pals and our relationship has warmed over the years, I'm still aware of the fact that the beach and it's accompanying ocean are just downright murderous. Seriously. Every thing that swims

Matt's Completely Correct Selection of the NHL's Best Fighting Goaltenders

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Regardless of whether hockey purists and traditionalists want to hear it, there are a lot of fans that show up to a hockey game for the fights. While the prevalence of fighting has been on the decline in recent years, there are still few things more exciting than a goalie fight. So, let’s talk about the best fighting goalies. Patrick Lalime Patrick Lalime broke into the National Hockey League back in the 1996-97 season with the Pittsburgh Penguins. As his career went on, he had stints in St. Louis, Chicago, and Buffalo, but he’s probably best known for his time with the Ottawa Senators. It was in Canada’s capital city where Lalime would have a pair of fights. His first was in the 2001-02 season in a game against the Boston Bruins where he took on Bruins’ net minder Byron Dafoe. But, easily the biggest fight in Lalime’s career took place on March 5, 2004 against the Philadelphia Flyers . After there had already been several line brawls in the game, Flyers’ goalie Robert Esc

The Thermostat Miser

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A while back I talked about the trials an tribulations of living with randomly selected roommates . I'm preparing to move out of this apartment that I've been in for the last three years, and just as the finish line is in sight, there's a new war being waged and this time it's over the thermostat. He who controls the thermostat controls everything. I make sure to assert my alpha dominance nice, cool, and Rob Gronkowski-approved 69 degrees. The perfect indoor temperature. The reason for that is if your cold, put on a goddamn sweatshirt or get under a blanket. It's much easier to warm up than it is to cool off. Plus, I live in Florida, so if you're cold go sit outside. I have an uncanny ability to recognize slight temperature differences inside. If I was one of the Avengers, it would be my super power. Sure, it's not a great one, but neither is being good at archery. *cough* Hawkeye *cough* When I feel the temperature rise ever so slightly my Spi