Showing posts from November, 2020

The Christmas Dreidle: A Second Attempt At A Hallmark Movie Treatment

Last year, I tried to weasel my way onto the lowest rung of show business aside from freak shows: The Hallmark Channel. I wrote a treatment for what many felt was destined to become a holiday classic, A Conundrum For Christmas . It would've starred Kate Beckinsale and myself, and followed a woman as she tried to enjoy Christmas again after her husband's untimely death by way of autoerotic asphyxiation. Since those people at Hallmark will air anything and their audience will gobble it up, I couldn't believe this wasn't optioned. Quite, frankly, it's a travesty. However, I'm not one to give up that easily. So I decided to try again. Enjoy. *** The Christmas Dreidle By Matt Reigle Sheryl Christmasberg (played by Kate Beckinsale) is the owner of an artisanal soap shop in the small town of Sugar Plum Ranch, Kansas. She lives there with her handsome husband, Jerry Christamsberg (played by me) and their four-year-old daughter, Florence-Anne, who wears glasses. This way

The Definitive Holiday Sandwich Ranking

Every year, I see people trying Thanksgiving knock it down a few pegs. I get it, the pilgrims were not the best house guests, but you'd be in a pissy mood too if you had spent so much time on a boat that didn't even have a buffet or water slides. You can't create such a great holiday without a few black eyes. I'm sure the whole smallpox blanket fiasco was a complete accident. I doubt that someone gave a bunch of blankets to Sarah Goodwife, had her cough up a lung all over them, and then said "here's a good gift for the Wampanoag." These are some of the same people who drowned women because they thought their ability to do math meant they were witches. I question their understanding of infectious diseases and biological warfare. But maybe I'm wrong and they knew precisely what they were doing, in which case, they're complete scumbags. Regardless, Thanksgiving is without a doubt my favorite holiday. It's nothing but food and football. I guess you