I was watching the Democratic debate last night. *Pauses for applause. It's like any other debate: a couple hours of empty promises and pandering to voters. Which got me thinking about how we're all sick of that type of politics. Its predictable predictability is boring. Why do we need to know all of a candidates stances? I got this idea from the same place that everyone gets their good ideas: daytime television. I was watching Let's Make A Deal. When someone wins a prize, Wayne Brady makes them an offer—a deal, if you will—and the portly school bus driver from Sheboygan has to decided whether she wants to return home with a toaster oven or take what's behind the mystery door. The mystery door could have a Corvette behind it or it could have a colony of rabid possums, but the excitement comes from the unknown. That's why I would become... The Mystery Candidate™ While all of the other candidates are busy word vomiting, I'll stand there all co...

Who'd have thunk it? Dennis Rodman is a world class fixer who was able to solve one of the greatest diplomatic problems in recent history.  Now that he is finished saving the Korean Peninsula from nuclear annihilation, I have some new things he can work on. Standardize the whole TSA process. Every single time I fly the drill is different. Take your belt off, leave your belt on, throw your hat in a bin, wear it through the scanner. All I'm asking for is a little bit of consistency. If Dennis was able to get Kin Jong Un and Donny T on the same page, I think he can make it so that when I arrive at the airport I'm supposed to put my shoes in a bin or just throw them loose on the conveyor belt so I don;t get screamed at by a heavy set guy wearing surgical gloves. Change Ihob back to Ihop. I think I've only ever eaten at the restaurant formerly known as Ihop once, and if I could sum up my experience in a single word, it would be "meh." Still, changing...