It's About Time Someone Calls Out The Beach For How Dangerous It Is

Beachgoers relax at the Webster Avenue Beach in Seaside Heights, May 26, 2016. (Photo: Daniel Nee)

Wow, I realized it's been about a month since I last posted to this blog.

What's been going on lately? Mainly job hunting. And how is that going? Well, thanks for asking let me give you an update.


So now that the job hunting update is finished, let's talk about where I am at the moment: the beach, but more specifically the world famous Jersey Shore.

I used to HATE the beach. I'll admit, I'm a world class complainer. I've elevated bitching about things to an art form and I honed a lot of my skills complaining about the beach when I was a kid.

Nowadays, I like burying my toes in the sand and reading a book or frolicking in the waves (it's the only place I'd ever be caught dead "frolicking").

But despite the fact the beach and I are now pals and our relationship has warmed over the years, I'm still aware of the fact that the beach and it's accompanying ocean are just downright murderous.

Seriously. Every thing that swims in the ocean either wants to kill you or could do so accidentally. I've seen enough of Shark Week to know that sharks don't try to kill and injure people, but those idiots that swim around with a mouthful of bandsaws need to be a little more careful to distinguish the difference between a tourist trying to learn how to surf and an injured seal. I mean, come on, guy. It's pretty obvious.

Event the ocean itself can kill you. You can drown in a couple inches of water, but a swimming pool itself doesn't try to drown you, it's all up to you to get the job done. The ocean, however, goes out of its way with riptides and undertows to make sure that your demise involves a couple lung-fulls of salt water.

The beach I'm at in Seaside Heights, NJ (or as I like to call it, "God's Country") was closed because there was too much bacteria in the water for swimming, which means riptides weren't getting the job done so the ocean called in backup.

One other thing about the beach is it's the place where it's most socially acceptable here in the U.S. of A to wear the least amount of clothing, yet every food option on the boardwalk is the fattiest (albeit most delicious) food you'll ever come across. So now you're not just running into the ocean with a beer belly and an ever-expanding set of man boobs, but even the boardwalk is trying to kill you with cholesterol.

With that said, here are photos of every slice of pizza I've had this week:


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