Conspiracies with Craig: The Government Admitted Stuff About Aliens But I Already Knew All Of It (Guest Post)

Editor’s Note: Hey. It’s Matt. I didn’t write this post. For the last couple of days, I’ve been getting non-stop texts from a friend of mine  an acquaintance a guy named Craig. He said he wouldn’t stop unless I posted his think piece on the recent revelations regarding the United States government and UFOs. He also said one of the conditions of him leaving me alone is that I refrain from editing his work. He called it “censorship.” Anyway, I hope you enjoy what Craig has to say and if you don’t please don’t hold it against me.

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How’s it going? This is Craig.

I was watching TV the other day (I steal cable from my neighbor so I can stay off the grid and not leave a paper trail) and saw that the United States government has stated that they have in fact had a secret program for researching possible UFO sightings. Everyone is like freaking out about it and stuff like a bunch of plebeians.

I’ve known about that program for years. I mean, open your eyes for once, 'cause it’s right there in front of your face. The government has a real interest in keeping us (and by “us” I mean “you”) in the dark about extraterrestrial life forms, or “aliens” to the layperson. They are in fact trying to reverse engineer alien technology and then monetize for their financial gain. I can’t blame them, I would do the same thing but the government is on to me and they make it a real challenge. It’s like a game of chess, really.

Recently, new reports of sightings have been released. One is by a Navy pilot. He was up in a plane (or perhaps some sort of dirigible) and saw what he described as “something I had never seen in my life.” I find this to be a pretty credible sighting, aside from the fact that a guy from the Navy wouldn’t know a lot about stuff in the air ‘cause that’s Air Force territory and the Navy usually does boat/water stuff. But, when you come nose to nose with an extraterrestrial space craft, you know it.

I should know, I’ve been on several dozen of them.

It started as a kid. I was asleep one night and I heard this noise, so I went to the window and I saw this alien. He was like your typical gray alien that you see in movies, books, and used car commercials that have deals that are “out of this world.” He said to me that they wanted to show me something on their ship. So, I went and they showed me all sorts of alien technology and then ran some tests on me. I passed with flying colors. The anal probe was a bit much, but I passed that too.

This started years of me going on alien ships. Each time they did the anal probe. Still not sure why. I thought they would’ve learned whatever they could from doing that by now.

So back to the government? In particular the US government, even though I know for a fact that the US and the rest of the world is run by a shadow government of lizard people. I predict that in the coming months we will gain unprecedented amounts of information pertaining to the existence of extraterrestrial life.

Which will be pretty awesome for you, since I’ve already known all about that.

Oh yeah, and also don’t trust the government.