Who Will I Be For My 5-Year High School Class Reunion?

In about a month-and-a-half, I will have my five-year high school reunion. Honestly, I didn't realize that five years constituted a reunion. I always thought you needed to have a couple grey hairs and an ill-advised first marriage that has since fallen apart before you started clamoring for some semblance of your bygone high school days, and it was my impression that that took at least ten years post-graduation.

Regardless, a class reunion means that I'll have the opportunity to lie to my former classmates about what I've been up to for the past five years.

This scenario has played out in every sitcom ever made. A character has to attend their high school reunion, but is embarrassed by what they haven't accomplished so they make up a story; a story which is typically foiled, and hilarity ensues.

I've always wanted to do this and now is my first chance, so let's explore some possibilities.

All-Star Cricket Player

"Is anyone here familiar with Indian Premier League Cricket? No? Well that's a shame, because you're talking to the star batsman of the Kolkutta Knight Riders."

Pretty strong chance this would hold up. I can't see a circumstance where someone would realize i've never even held a cricket bat and call me out. 

"Wait, you're not Rinku Singh!"

This would work with pretty much any international sport: snooker, Jai alai, Running of the Bulls; you get the idea.

Secret Government Agent

This is a classic and an absolute crowd ]-pleaser, but there are some obvious problems with this idea. First and foremost, I wouldn't be much of a "secret" agent if I went around telling everyone about my exploits in espionage, and that's kind of the point of this entire exercise. However, it can also be defended pretty easily.

What's that? The CIA says that I don't work for them. Exactly.

At some point in the evening I would answer a call on my shoe phone a la Maxwell Smart, then hang up and say "Just a telemarketer."

Everyone would just start cracking up.

"Life of the party, that Matt Reigle. A real International Man of Intrigue," they'd all say.

World Renown Astro-Physicist

All I would do here is throw on a lab coat and pray that no one asks me any actual questions about astro-physics.

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I'm still weighing these options. Feel free to tell me in the comments how you've lied to your former classmates.