Giant's Robot, Marty: Scaring The Elderly Since 2019

Previously on this blog, I talked about Marty.

If you didn't click on that link to read a past blog (c'mon, help a brother out), Marty is a robot that has been deployed to Giant grocery stores to identify spills and alert the proper officials.

At first I was concerned. I've seen enough movies to know that free-roaming robots usually turn to murder at some point, and once they figure out murder, it's just a couple months until they enslave the human race.

However, I've put all of those concerns to rest, now that I have had my own Marty encounters.

Marty is non-threatening. His tall stature should cause alarm, however, I felt none even when all I had to defend myself with was a small plastic bag containing two limes.

Limes I would then be taking home, slicing up, and popping into some Mexican beers, because it's cerveza SZN, ya'll.

But I digress...

It should be known that where I currently live is polluted with old people. I mean that in the nicest way possible, but you can't spit gum out your car window without it becoming entangled in a rats-nest of blue hair.

I've seen some of these old people encounter Marty, and Marty absolutely puts their minds in pretzels.

As he should. We're talking about octogenarians who can't figure out iPads and just got the hang of dialing with a touch-tone, but now they're face-to-face with a googly-eyed robot that's almost as tall as Dikembe Mutombo.

I can't even imagine the terror one would feel after having spent eighty-five robot free years on this earth, and then encountering one while you're trying to purchase prune juice or some other old person thing.

It would be horrifying, but watching these encounters is my favorite thing in the world right now.

It's the closest I'll get to one of my greatest dreams, which is showing some of the Founding Fathers modern technology. I don't know why I'm fascinated by this idea but I am, and since I can't show George Washington a microwave, I'll have to settle for watching Ethel come to terms with Marty The Grocery-Bot.


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