A Slight Dog Walking "Emergency"

I like to walk my dog. Does that make me a better person than you? 

Maybe. 

It gets me off my dumb ass and my 6-year old German Shepherd, Roxy, really enjoys it. However, on the latest installment in our series of romps through the neighborhood, we, more specifically, I, encountered a bit of a conundrum. 

My biggest concern when walking the pup is that she'll have to either take a dump or a leak along the way. I hate the idea of allowing my dog to just do her thing in some stranger's yard and having them come outside in the middle of things, because then I'm stuck trying to talk Roxy and I out of this jam (because God forbid she speak up for once).

But on this occasion, the member of our canine-human walking team who had the full bladder issue wasn't Roxy; it was me.

I take my dog on essentially the same circuit each time, with some slight variations from time to time. In fact, we've done it enough that she knows the route. As we reached the point of our route that is geographically furthest from home, I was hit with a feeling in my lower abdomen that was unquestionably a warning that a bladder evacuation was in order. The kind of feeling where you can't wait until you get to the next rest stop and have to pull off to the shoulder of the highway and make a mad dash to the tree line.

My first thought was that I could stop at a nearby park which I thought might have a porta-potty. I figured I would tie the hound to a fence or a post and I would make a swift, dignified walk to the teal-colored plastic lavatory.

There was one problem with this plan: the park didn't allow dogs.

I can't believe that in 2019 that sort of discrimination still exists, but since I barely had  enough time to make it home before a catastrophic accident, I certainly didn't have the time to petition the local borough to allow dogs in their park. The plan went out the window.

Being familiar with the route that I and my canine companion were about to undertake, I weighed our (my) options.

The next potential spot we were going to pass was a big field with a few trees. The problem was the field was adjacent to a school. An elementary school. I shouldn't even have to tell you the myriad of problems that I would have faced had I decided to void my bladder by one of the trees.

I had to press on.

The rest of our route took as through blocks of suburban streets, all of them lined with homes.

The problems I faced were that 1). I like a little privacy when I have to take a leak and 2). those pesky public urination laws. Those laws are great when you're trying to keep transient homeless people from peeing on the outside of a Denny's, but when you're like me, a law-abiding citizen with a bladder full of that mornings coffee, they're more of a hindrance than anything. I couldn't go Ozzy Osbourne at the Alamo.

I had no choice.  would have to hold off until I made it back home.

In a show of bladder-fortitude the likes of which the world has never seen, I made my way through the streets, back towards my house.

I'm happy to report I made it safely back home, with no issues.

I don't want to say I'm now a bit of a folk hero now, but... yeah, I'm a bit of a folk hero.