A Golden Globes Preview From A Guy Who Hasn't Seen Any Of The Nominees

Hollywood Award Season. 

The glitz, glamour, and the self-congratulatory back-patting.

It all kicks off Sunday night with the Golden Globes, and who better to give you a preview of the nominees and give their selections than myself; a man who hasn't actually seen any of the nominees.

Let's dig in, shall we? We'll start with the small screen.

Television

Best Television Series - Drama

• The Americans (FX)
• Bodyguard (Netflix)
• Homecoming (Amazon)
• Killing Eve (BBC America)
• Pose (FX)

We starting off on a tough one for me. I'm not exactly one to seek out dramas and generally if people tell me that I need to watch a show (looking at you Game of Thrones) I won't end up watching it. I haven't even heard of Bodyguard, Killing Eve, or Pose which really narrows down my options here. I saw a lot of commercials for Homecoming while I was watching other things on Amazon that weren't Homecoming, which annoyed me and came off as desperate. Too many commercials is a bad sign to me. That leaves The Americans, and because I'm a true patriot, I'm always up for an American. USA! USA!

Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy

• Barry (HBO)
• Kidding (Showtime)
• The Good Place (NBC)
• The Kominsky Method
• The Marcelous Mrs. Maisel

Despite how unfunny you may think this blog is, I like comedy and feel that I know a thing or two about it. This isn't to say I know a lot about the current crop of comedy shows because, again, I haven't seen a goddamn one. I'm throwing out The Good Place because there are like half a dozen shows on television with "The Good" in the title. That's either laziness or an attempt to make you subliminally think that the show is actually good when it isn't. I do know that Barry and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel are both in some way about show biz, and there's nothing that narcissistic show biz types love more than a show about show biz. Except one thing. Two Words: Period Piece. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel takes home a Globe for Jeff Bezos and company.

Now to the silver screen...

Film

Best Picture - Drama

• Black Panther
• BlacKkKlansman
• Bohemian Rhapsody
• If Beale Street Could Talk
• A Star Is Born

Again, I have not seen any of these, but I am at least familiar with most of them. I do question how A Star Is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody don't fall under the "Musical" category but, hey, what do I know? Nothing. I think it'd be cool to see Bohemian Rhapsody win, but from what I've heard from people who have actually seen the pictures in question, it's A Star Is Born's race to lose.

Best Picture - Comedy or Musical

An interesting is race shaping up here. Mary Poppins Returns has Lin Manuel Miranda. I legitimately think that they guy could write a rap-musical based on owner 's manual to a 2008 Toyota Corolla and people would still pretend to like it. Having that dude on your side is always helpful. However, I think Vice has this one locked up. Political films seem to do well, and the scene in the trailer where Dick Cheyney shoots his friend in the face makes me laugh every time I see it. Nothing funnier than a hunting accident.

I'll read about who won on Twitter because I refuse to watch the actual ceremony unless it's hosted by Ricky Gervais. (Primarily of hilariously brutal jokes like this one.)

So, how do you think things will turn out? Let me know in the ol' comment section.