How Netflix's New Series, EVIL GENIUS, Made Me Realize That I'm Not Brave Enough To Deliver A Pizza

I, like many people, recently found myself watching the new Netflix series Evil Genius. If you haven't seen it yet go watch it right now (on second thought, finish reading this first then go watch it... actually, no, wait... finish reading this post, then click around the blog and read some other posts THEN go watch Evil Genius. There we go, that sounds good).

The series is extremely well done and deals with the 2003 Pizza Bomber Case which occurred in Erie, Pennsylvania.

If you're unfamiliar, a pizza delivery man, Brian Wells, robbed a bank wearing a metal collar with a bomb attached to it and wielding a shotgun that looked like an old-time cane. Once police caught up to Wells, he claimed that people had strapped the bomb to him, sent him to rob the bank, and then follow a series of clues to unlock the collar and free himself from the bomb.

However, as Wells sat on the ground (in a very awkward criss-cross-applesauce fashion) the bomb exploded, killing him.

That's a lot to drink in, I know, but the series is nice and short and gets into all the sordid details that we like to pretend we don't enjoy and seek out, but actually do.

As I was watching and trying to connect all of the evidence in my head, I realized that I could never be a pizza delivery man. Out of fear.

I realized that I'm not brave enough to courier a couple of pies to their destinations wherever it may be. Sure, most people who are ordering pizzas are fine people, but do you know who else orders pizzas?

Murderers.

Take John Wayne Gacy for example. Aside from being a real creep, that guy was also a complete lard ass. You don't think he was calling up his neighborhood Dominos every now and then while he had some drifter tied up in his basement and he was trying to remove his clown makeup?

Do you really think that Charles Manson was going to go pick up his own pizza? No, he'd make Tex Watson pick it up, but if Tex was busy, then who's bringing the pizza?

That's right, the pizza delivery man.

Poor Brian Wells' last delivery was to an old radio tower. Personally, I never would have ended up in the collar bomb because, call me crazy, I don't do old radio towers.That's just a personal stance I have.

But Wells was a brave man. He went to that radio tower with nothing but two pizzas, and very large glasses.

What scares me about delivering pizzas is the lack of any sort of negotiating you have if you get into trouble.

If Wells was faced with the idea of having a bomb attached to his neck what was he supposed to do? Hold the pizzas hostage? Tilt the box a little bit so that the cheese slides? No. Odds are if the people ordered pizzas, but then when you showed up they tried to strap a bomb to you and force you to rob a bank, I don't think they were actually hungry. Maybe when you leave to rob the bank someone takes a slice to nibble on while they wait, but I think the pizza itself is far from the forefront of their minds.

So if you've got the time (and let's be honest, you do) throw on Evil Genius. Maybe pizza delivery man will skyrocket to the top of your "Jobs I'm Not Brave Enough To Do" list too.

If so leave a comment in the comments section (right where comments usually like to hangout)!