I Had Time To Kill, So I Ranked French Fry Shapes

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You've read the title of this blog...

...Not much else to explain.

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6. Tater Tots

I know that right off the bat I'm going to lose some of you, but Tater Tots are barely a fry. They're the cousin Oliver of the Fry family. They're kind of weird, but your parents tell you that you still need to be nice to them.

Tots are getting by solely on nostalgia. I like nostalgia as much as the next guy, but just because you had something as a kid, doesn't make it good. Napoleon (Dynamite, not Bonaparte. The French are too classy for tots) was a fan, but honestly they deserved to be smashed in his pocket.

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5. Curly Fries

I like curly fries. The only reason they are so low on this list is because I want to give them bulletin board material that will fire them up, and make them prove me wrong.

Of all the fries, curly fries have the lowest self-esteem. They try to be all wacky, but they'd be fine being straight as an arrow due to the delicious seasoning that typically accompanies them.

Curly fries are having a serious identity crisis, and for that they must be punished.

Also no offense to dumb people, but only dumb people like a food just because of its shape.

Prime example: those smiley-face fries.

Completely un-good which is why I decided to not give them any mention in my blog.

...Except that one.

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4. Steak Fries

I'll be honest, I dig steak fries. Some people say that the fry's considerable girth is something they're not a fan of, but if you hit that steak fry-sweetspot™, these babies are a great choice.

Not much else to say about them... they're big fries.


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3. Crinkle-Cut Fries

Do you remember the episode of The Simpsons where Homer takes Ned Flanders to Vegas, and Neddy lets loose by having a white wine spritzer?

For me that sums up the crinkle-cut fry.

People that don't get out that much might think that it's an exciting or adventurous fry choice but it's really not.  

That said you'll never be let down, by the crinkle-cuts, plus it's fun to say.

Crinkle-cut, crinkle-cut, crinkle-cut, crinkle....

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2. The Traditional

I know I bashed nostalgia, but I dig tradition. There's a reason when I say the word "fry" you thought of these. 

They're tried and true and the easiest fry to encounter in the wild.

Most Yukon golds growing up know that some day they will likely be sliced up into the traditional fry shape that we know and love.

But, the young Yukon gold-lings aspire to become...

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1. Waffle Fries

A controversial choice, but if you don't like the decision go start your own blog.

I'm a relative newcomer to the waffle fry family. Everyone experiments while in college. Some with their identity, others with their sexuality, but I experimented with fries.

The waffle fry is engineered perfectly, in the same way its namesake, the waffle, is.

Plus, waffle fries conjure up memories of Chick-Fil-A.

I'm a big deal at Chick-Fil-A because every time I leave the employees tell me what a pleasure it was to serve me.

Chick-Fil-A's employees are so nice and the waffle fries are so delicious that a trip there makes me forget about my crippling depression... at least until I realize how many calories and carbs I've just consumed and then it's right back to Depressionville.

But hey, the respite was nice.

I know I ruffled some feathers here, so let me know how wrong I am in my assessment of the various incarnations of fried spuds.


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