Did I Have A Bigger Golf Comeback Than Tiger Woods? Probably.

I don't golf all that often, and it's a complete shame. I don't just mean for me, but the sport as a whole.

I actually took golf lessons as a kid. I think it was only like a week-long clinic, but it was at a country club so it counts for at least six weeks of regular lessons. I showed promise back then, and I even remember them saying I could be the next John Daly. That's high praise.

Image result for john daly
The legend, John Daly.

I took some time away from the sport in which I showed so much promise as a youngster to pursue other interests like hockey, music, and puppetry.

However the mistress that is the game of golf always sang her siren song; trying to lure me back to the links. This week, I answered that siren call.

Not unlike the sirens in Homer's Odyssey, golf, while enchanting, turned out to be a total bitch.

Playing golf is like riding a bike. However, for me, golfing is like riding a bike after you've sustained a head injury that made you forget how to ride a bike.

The score for this particular outing isn't important. In fact, I don't believe in keeping score. I will say that if the rules of golf were flipped around and the objective was to have the highest score, then I would've easily clobbered everyone and my picture would currently be hanging in the clubhouse.

I found that these days I can hit the ball further than I ever have before. The problem is that when it comes to accuracy, I have no goddamn clue where that ball is going.

Take this shot for instance:


While the swing itself is majestic (save for the rippling beer gut and man-boobs), the ball careened right into a nearby tree and ricocheted wildly into the woods.

I've learned not to become sentimentally attached to the ball itself. I wanted to buy some golf balls with a UCF logo on them to show some pride in my alma mater. 

However, when someone goes SCUBA diving to collect all the wayward balls that have found their way into the drink, they'll wonder how someone who went to school in Orlando—where there are an abundance of golf courses—could be such a shitty golfer. I don't want that.

UCF's good name doesn't deserve to be besmirched by my lackluster golf game.

I somehow managed to hit one shot onto the fairway of the wrong hole, but it was several holes away from the one I was actually playing. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but I think it had something to do with inter-dimensional travel. I may have driven a tee shot straight through The Twilight Zone.

All in all, it didn't matter how horrible I played, because I had a good time.

And isn't that why you play golf? To have a good time.

...Well, that and the money.

... and the fame.








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