I'm Starting To Become Skeptical About The Healing Powers Of Lasers

Image result for lasers

I like knowing how the world works. It makes me feel smart.

But at the same time, there are certain things I'm fine with not understanding to the point that they feel magical. It makes an otherwise dull life feel like Narnia.

Lasers are one of those things. I understand that they're light but that's where my knowledge runs out.

Did you know that "laser" is an acronym? I did. That's why I looked it up in a lazy attempt to better understand how they work. I found that "laser" stands for "light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation." 

That doesn't help me at all.

Part of my confusion stems from how lasers are utilized. It seems like if you have a problem you can just throw a laser at it then crack a beer and call it a day.

Your back hurts? Laser. 

Want to see if something is level? Laser.

Want to drive your dog insane by putting a dot on the ceiling? Laser.

The Big Laser Lobby, has done a good job at making us believe that lasers can solve any problem. However, I recently caught a mistake.

We have all heard of laser hair removal. I shouldn't have to explain it because it's pretty much in the name. Shoot laser at hair, hair goes away. Simple.

The problem is I saw a commercial for this ridiculous hat which claims to use lasers to grow your hair back: 
Image result for laser hat

How can lasers have the power to remove your hair, but also make it grow? 

To avoid any sort of lawsuit, I don't know whether either of these treatments actually grow hair or remove it, but I find it hard to believe that lasers can do both. Lasers can't make a determination that they need to go into hair growth mode vs. hair killing mode. There's no switch on the side for that.

What if you went to the doctor for hair removal and you leave looking like Bigfoot because the doc grabbed the wrong lasers out of the laser storage closet?

I expected more from the laser industry than to trip themselves up in such an obvious contradiction. 

Side note: What kind of asshole is wearing that laser hat in public? I like that they thought "we'll make it look like a baseball hat; that'll be inconspicuous." Yeah, but if you take it off to scratch your stupid bald head people are going to wonder why a laser light show just shot out from the inside of your hat. Most hats don't do that. At least not the ones I wear.


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