Just Scan The Apples, Please: Over-Talkative Cashiers

Anytime I’m at the grocery store I do a little scouting before I choose the checkout line I want to wait in. Sure, the length of the line is a major factor, but I’m also looking to see how chatty the cashier is.

Now, I’m all for cashiers being pleasant, but when they start to tell this long story and delve into personal things, it’s too much. 

I had a cashier once who was ringing stuff up and then out nowhere says, “Did you know they have slushies at Burger King?” I confirmed that I was aware of such a beverage, and he made sure I knew of the fact that, “they’re great.”

Then his elderly co-worker walked by. He said to her, “Hi, Carol,” then turned to me and said, “She’s getting up there in age and starting to slow down. She just had surgery.” I didn’t need or want to know this, and I’m sure Carol was thrilled that he was filling everyone in on her personal life. Lucky for her it stopped there because I don’t think that this fella had an off switch. Who knows what kind of dirt I could’ve learned about Carol:

 “Carol, rides the bus to work because of the DUI she got.”   

“Carol’s water got shut off because she couldn’t pay her bills, that’s why she reeks today.” 

 “Happy Mother’s Day! Too bad for Carol though, she doesn’t have kids, she’s barren.” 

Poor Carol.

What I’m trying to say is the less small talk with the cashier the better. I’m not saying I’m going to be rude about it in the moment, but I’m not above going home and writing a blog post about how much I hated the experience.

Also, cashiers shouldn’t be allowed to comment on the items you’re purchasing. They especially shouldn’t be inquiring as to what the medications you’re purchasing do.

“What is Imodium for? How about you google it, because I really need to get home as soon as possible.”

I feel like cashiers shouldn't be making inquiries into what my plans are. Am I throwing a party? No, the three boxes of Tastykakes are for me, but that’s really none of your business.

A good remedy to these problems is the self-checkout line, as long as the people in front of you know how to use it. There really should be some sort of licensing test that you need to pass before you’re allowed to do self-checkout, that way we can weed out all of the slow blue-hairs. Also, if you scan more than 35 items, the self-checkout station should dump all your groceries on the floor because you wasted everyone’s time. If you have a full cart, let the professionals do the scanning.

That’s what they’re there for. Scanning quickly and not doing too much small talking.