2017 Thanksgiving Winners and Losers

And with that, another Thanksgiving is in the books. I hope everyone had a good one, I know I did. But now that the festivities are over until next year, I’ve taken the time to break down the Thanksgiving game film to crown this year’s Thanksgiving Winners and Losers.

Winner: Green Bean Casserole

Green bean casserole is a depth player on the Thanksgiving menu. In a lineup filled with superstars, green bean casserole is often the first to be overlooked, yet never complains. It just comes back year after year and delivers. I think the biggest thing going against green bean casserole is the name. It’s about as literal as it gets, but there’s something about the words “green bean” and “casserole” that make people glance right over it. This is a rookie mistake and true Thanksgiving aficionados know that there’s always room for some green bean casserole on your plate. Look for big things in the future from green bean casserole.

Loser: Belts

The fourth Saturday in November is always a rough one in the belt world. Those that start their Turkey Day with a belt often find themselves without it by the time the Cowboys kick off. Others that would normally go with a belt wind up eschewing it in favor of sweatpants, a stretchier and more feast-friendly alternative to your traditional pants.

Winner: Christmas

I for one believe that Christmas has the clout to stand on its own, but there’s no denying the fact that some degree of its star power comes from its talented lead in, Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday equivalent of the Rolling Stones opening for The Beatles. Thanksgiving is basically Christmas’s hype man; the Flava Flav to Christmas’s Chuck D. Most people won’t even acknowledge Christmas until Thanksgiving comes along and waves the green flag on the holiday season. Being Christmas’s opener is a pretty important job, and Thanksgiving does it without demanding the same sort of star treatment that it’s fellow holiday demands. Name a Thanksgiving song by anyone not named Adam Sandler. You can’t. Thanksgiving doesn’t need any.

Loser: Dinner Table Political Discourse

Dinner table political discourse never seems to have a strong showing on Thanksgiving. Throw together a bunch of family members who don’t see each other all that often, add the fact that there isn’t a whole lot to talk about, multiply that by the current political climate, and multiply it again by tons of food and usually booze, and you’ve got yourself an equation whose answer is unwanted, usually unresearched, political discourse around the Thanksgiving dinner table. Feelings will be hurt, egos will be bruised.

Winner: Trampling

Though I’d associate this Winner with Thanksgiving’s conjoined holiday twin, Black Friday, it still had a big showing and is worth acknowledging. Shopping is usually a relatively civil pursuit, but goddamn it, when those Nintendo Switches, hover boards, and flat-screens are marked down, grown adults will trample their fellow man to get their hands on them. No matter how much the Wal-Mart greeter tries to frantically call for calm, it’s not happening. Black Friday is trampling's Super Bowl.

And those are this Thanksgiving’s Winners and Losers. Leave a comment telling me your Thanksgiving Winners and Losers, and maybe I’ll comment and tell you how you were wrong.

Happy Holidays!