The Most Threatening Car In The World May Shock You... Or Not, I Don't Know

The great thing about going on walks is that it gives you time to think. Sometimes I contemplate the meaning of life, other times I think about how fortunate I am to be alive and taking in the beauty of nature, but more often than not I think about how I should get Chick-Fil-A tomorrow.

But one thing that is always on my mind while on a walk is not getting hit by a car.

Sometimes my mind wanders to how Stephen King got hit by a car one time and that maybe if it happened to me it'd help me sell a bunch of books, but he didn't sell a bunch of books because he got hit by a car, he sold a bunch of books because he's Stephen King, and just so happened to get hit by a car.

Recently I was thinking about cars that look threatening, essentially thinking about whether or not I could profile cars that would be most likely to hit me. I found I really couldn't, so I started thinking about cars that are most threatening in general. Think of the oil tanker from the Stephen Spielberg TV movie Duel or the haunted 1958 Plymouth Fury in the aforementioned Stephen King book Christine (I think the car's name was Cheryl).

I initially came to the conclusion that primered vans are probably toward the top of the threatening car pyramid. They're often driven by everyone from child abductors to deranged circus clowns that will steal your liver and sell it on the black market. 

That was pretty easy, so I decided to flip it around and try to figure out the least threatening car. Immediately, I thought of the Volkswagen Beetle. Small, round, and quite honestly, dorky.

I thought I could brush my hands together in a "job well-done" fashion and move on to other thoughts like ranking holiday sandwiches or if I'm too old to get into break dancing when it hit me. The Volkswagon is not only far from being the least threatening automobile out there, but it could also potentially be the most threatening.

This blog is about to take a turn you may not have expected: to the story of Ted Bundy.

There are not one, but two Volkswagen Beetles associated with Ted Bundy. One that he owned and used while committing his heinous murders and another that he stole while on the run from the police who were looking for him because he had escaped prison because of the heinous he committed while using the first Beetle.

If you're still not convinced of the threatening nature of the Beetle based solely on its connection to one of the most notorious serial killers in history, how about you read up a little bit on Volkswagen's connections to the Nazis. 

This was a startling revelation. Behind a curvy, friendly-looking exterior hid a monster, or at least the favored car of monsters.

I finished my walk, went inside, and pulled the shades down. Trembling in fear at the thought of a pair of round headlights shining ominously through the window.