Christmas Songs: The Good, The Bad, And The Dominic The Donkey

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This time of year, Christmas music is inescapable. For some, it’s the best time of year, while for others the time between Thanksgiving and December 25th is a musical hell. I would have to say that I fall somewhere in between the two. Some songs I love, others I loathe.

Let’s take a look at some, shall we?

We shall. It’s my blog.

The Bad: “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” by Spike Jones & His City Slickers

I want to preface this by saying that I think Spike Jones is great. He was ahead of his time, and a lot of the music and comedy he did still holds up today.

This song does not.

I get the joke. This kid wants their two front teeth, but a few minutes of this kid lisping his way through the song worse than Michael Buble (go listen to him. Dude lisps his way through a lot of tunes) is enough to make you change the station you’re listening to.

It’s an annoying song, and on some level I think I’m bothered by the fact that it should be “are” instead of “is” in the title, but I’m not 100% sure.


The Good: Anything by Bing Crosby

If you throw in the Andrews Sisters you’ve got yourself even more of a Christmas home run, friendo.

For most of my life, Bing Crosby has been the soundtrack of Christmas. Show me one person who doesn’t enjoy “Mele Kalikimaka.” Good luck with that, because they don’t exist.

Throw on some Bing and you’ll have yourself the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since the man himself tap-danced with Danny-Fucking-Kaye.


The Bad: “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo and Patsy

I hate this song on an unhealthy level. For this blog I had to look up who performed it and I wasn’t surprised that it was a guy named Elmo and his wife Patsy.

Yuck.

This song is an absolute hunk of shit.

The guy’s voice is annoying. The subject of the song is ridiculously stupid. Also, I’ve never seen it, but I’m sure the animated special of the same name is garbage too. Everything about this is about as bad as Christmas songs get.

Grandma must have heard this song which caused her to commit suicide by Reindeer.

The Good: “Christmas Eve Sarajevo” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

If you don’t recognize this song by its actual title, it’s the one with all the guitars that goes, “da-da-dada, da-da-dada.”

Born from the ashes of 80’s and 90s metallers Savatage, TSO is a band whose catalog and live performances have made them an absolute holiday staple.

This song not only gets played on modern rock stations during the Christmas season, it’s one of the few songs that gets you pumped up!


The Dominic The Donkey: “Dominic the Donkey” by Lou Monte

This song belongs in a category all its own. I feel like I should hate this song, but for whatever reason I don’t.

I think it all boils down to the fact that in the song they mention that Dominic is the “Italian Christmas Donkey.” Those are three words that do not go together in any other context. Even in this context it’s weird.

Good luck not “chingedy, ching”-ing and hee-hawwing the next time you hear this song on the radio.

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Be sure to leave a comment so we can discuss your feelings on Christmas songs and why your least favorite one is “Christmas Shoes.”


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