Why I Have No Plans To Watch Game Of Thrones or Titanic

Movies and television shows are cultural touchstones. We learn behaviors from the things we see which in turn influences the way society acts as a whole. 

Yet there's an iconic film and an iconic TV show that I have never seen, and quite frankly I'm in no rush to see either of them. 

Game of Thrones

This isn't because I don't currently have Home Box Office (what smart people know "HBO" stands for). I had HBO through most of college and still never hopped on the bandwagon. I'm sure it's good because that's what everyone with a pulse has tried to tell me.

I'm just not a huge fan of high fantasy (which sounds like a Cheech & Chong movie where they play knights). I think it's because I can't relate to the subject matter. I've never been chosen to go on a quest to find the Shield of Grimblegär or had to rescue an orc from a bunch of other orcs or whatever it is happens in those things.

I feel the same way about Lord Of The Rings. I've never seen those movies either. I tried to watch the first one and I couldn't get through the first hour. I get it, they live in hills. Let's go find those rings already!

Titanic

But Matt, it's a classic!

Yeah, I know. And guess what, I already know what happens.

If I wasn't well aware of the story of the real Titanic, I'd be all in on this movie. 

The big twist that their cruise was interrupted by an iceberg before they could make it to Turks And Caicos (I forget where exactly they were headed), would be one of the great surprises in cinematic history. But everyone knows about this.

I know that a lot of an iceberg is hidden underwater, but they don't exactly sneak up on you. I'm not sure how you plow into one like that. You've got the entire Atlantic Ocean and you choose to sail right next to an iceberg? Move over a tad, guy!

Knowing that iceberg is coming your way would be like going into Planet of the Apes know that it was OUR planet the entire time.

DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!

I also know exactly how the film ends: Leo drowns because dummy wouldn't slide over on the door.

Side Note: I was in a casino and saw a Titanic slot machine. I know the slot machine is based on the movie, but the movie is based on one of the greatest maritime disasters in history. Part of me hopes that as someone was treading water in the frigid water of the North Atlantic and watching the Titanic herself snap in half like a twig, they thought to themselves, "Damn, this will make a totally bitchin'' slot machine someday."

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What movies are you holding out on seeing because you think that having not watched them makes you interesting? Let me know in the comments, DMs, or post cards. 

(I'm not currently accepting comments via carrier pigeon due to struggles with my fear of birds.)






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