Diss Me, I'm Irish: A Second-Hand History of St. Patrick's Day


Something a lot of people may have noticed about me is that I’m part Irish. Not a big part. In fact, I think it’s only about 1/32. How do I know that? Mostly anecdotal information passed along from family members.

I haven’t had my DNA tested. I’m not paying $100 to spit in a tube. I can do that for free anytime I want.

I think some of my character traits give away my slight Irish heritage. I’m renown for my affinity for potatoes (#TeamRusset, none of that Yukon Gold bullshit) and my tendency to leave parties without saying goodbye to anyone.

I bring this up because today is the 17th of March, also known as St. Patrick’s Day. A holiday that commemorates the time St. Patrick told all the snakes in Ireland to pound sand. However, these days this humble holiday is celebrated around the world.

This is because St. Patrick’s Day has been culturally appropriated. It all started back in the 19th century when the Irish came to America because their potatoes stopped working or something (I don’t know for sure, this part of high school history class was exceptionally boring). The Irish were met with pushback because they were immigrants.

It’s a good thing that kind of behavior is a thing of the past and no one has ever had to deal with it since.

Then one day something magical happened. Those who had bullied the humble Irish realized something about their pale skinned, red-headed fellow man: they liked to party, and especially on some seemingly random day in mid-March.


Things have smooth sailing for the Irish ever since aside from a few hiccups (I’m talking to you, Lucky Charms Leprechaun). While you enjoy your green beer and wear plastic leprechaun hats and put an “O” in front of your last name, remember that we’re paying tribute to our hardworking and often drunk, Irish forefathers.

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